i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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