so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize