hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
