pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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