did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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