He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
