i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
