I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
