Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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