Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
