She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
