Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's not cheating when I paid for it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Please don't give away my fajitas
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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