ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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