Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
