You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
