my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
