Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
