I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
