Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
