The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
