Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
