last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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