Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
