11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish I only lived at night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
