I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
