So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
