i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
