Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
