She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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