I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
