So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
