WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
