am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
