I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
