I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
