I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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