I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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