We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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