its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
