I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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