i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
