the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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