There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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