I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have demons in me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
