We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
