I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I love you. Go after that dick
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
