I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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