hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
NoShamevember. You game?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
