# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
