we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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