If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
