I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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