I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's shark week go big or go home
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
