the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well you can't waste a boner
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
