I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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