Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
