there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
