Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
