Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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