So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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