The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
