when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
