Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
