im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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