apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
