My underwear smells like fireworks.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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