my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize