when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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