i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A+ Viking dick
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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